Halloween is 318 days away.

Like I said, Halloween is 318 days away. 

Procrastination is a tragic and gross human flaw, so here are five unique costume ideas to get your grey matter churning before WEEN FIFTEEN:

1. Google Fiber 

Be the coolest person invited to the party. Don't show up to the party.

2. A Hen

Clench three or four eggs between your buttcheeks and release them at various points throughout the night. Take pictures of people's reactions. Send them to me.

3. A Gynecologist 

Behave and dress as you normally would. What do you think these guys are vagina groping wackos or something? They're not. They're normal people, just like you and me.

4. Lentil Beard

Dip your chin in honey and then in a bag of lentils. Does that feel good? Dip your hand in the lentils again. Yea. So good right?

5. Sassy black receptionist

Wear eyeglasses. Don't assist the hosts in anyway. Actually, make it more difficult for them. Ask them to bring you things, study the things briefly, and then say "No, this isn't the right thing."

6. Your pal
Be your best pal. They can be you. Wear the things they wear and do the things they do. No one will get it except you and him. Mingle and give each other knowing glances. Nice. 




The hen was the best one, right? Hahahaha. Alright bye.